What a Week!

Last Sunday night Jeff and I were looking forward to enjoying a simple Valentines Day together. I was just excited to get to wear red and pink to work! haha We were the most excited about our second baby Dr. appointment on Monday.
Jeff works really close to our OBGYN. Last time we were there we had to wait a little longer because our Dr. had to go and deliver a baby. I told Jeff he didn't need to go, but he decided he wanted to. I was supposed to text him when I got to the office to let him know if there was a wait and then he would pop on over.

I got to the Dr. office and noticed I forgot my cell. No biggie... I was just going to call him after everything was over and I was home.

The Dr. and I talked for awhile about all of the things I can do/not do during pregnancy. I had some questions for her. We talked about how this upcoming month was going to be a "quiet" month because the baby isn't kicking hard enough and there is no more morning sickness!

After our discussion she got out her little machine to hear the heartbeat. Before she even laid me down, she promised she probably wasn't going to hear anything because of how my uterus was sitting.

Nothing. No worries, we moved to the ultrasound room. She was still having a hard time hearing anything, but decided it was probably fine she just wanted to check for sure. I was moved to the room with the ultra sound machine we used the first time.

I was starting to get a little nervous, but kept a positive attitude about it. The Technician was measuring everything. I remember asking, "Have you found it?" She replied, "yes, but the baby is measuring at 7 weeks. I am going to show this to the Dr." (I am supposed to be 11 weeks at this point) After she left, I knew what was next. I talked myself out of crying or even feeling anything. I KNEW I was going to be fine. It wasn't meant to be, it will be OKAY!

The Dr. came back in to officially let me know what was going on. As soon as she said the one single word "Sorry." I forgot everything I had just said to myself. I completely broke down. All I wanted was Jeff. I had so many feelings going through my mind. I was mostly just embarrassed. Embarrassed that I came to the office, having morning sickness just the day before, in maternity pants without a child.

I was filed to another room to talk about setting up a surgery for the next morning. After what felt like 2 hours, I was finally out of there and was able to drive to Jeff.

It has almost been an entire week since this horrible day. Jeff and I have felt SO MANY different things.

Sadness
Relief (dealing with the morning sickness)
Helpless
Nervous about surgery
Wondering what could have gone wrong
Grown up having to make so many decisions that what we thought only "grown ups" had to make
Depressed
Angry
The list goes on and on.

The thing that we felt the most through the entire weekend was Love. Love from my parents for driving all the way up here for 24 hours. Love from the flowers sent from Jeff's work. Love from the cards, gifts and text messages from everyone giving their support.

This unfortunate situation has definitely caused Jeff and I to step back and realize how much of a support system we have. The two of us have also found such comfort in each other. It is so re-assuring to know I am 120% sure I married the right person for me.

Sure, it is going to take a long time to get over the events of last Monday. The first time someone asks how the baby is doing that doesn't know what happened. Accidentally coming across my pregnancy book I was reading. Our due date. etc. We are certain that we will get through it all because we have each other and our HUGE support system behind us.

I understand this is the saddest (I know, I know, but I love that word) post I have written, but this is one of the few ways I am trying to deal with everything. The next post will be more upbeat. That's a promise!